A new idea

So after the race today, I've decided I have a new game plan starting tomorrow.
First off, a bit about today.
Another crit in a neighborhood, although this was more hood than neighborly as the damage to our RV can attest (someone busted out one of the mirrors). The race literally bordered the projects on the front stretch. I'm all for bringing events to economically challenged areas, and exposing kids and adults to a sport they might not otherwise ever see, but I'm also for the safety of my car/stuff while I'm racing.
Rode well for most of the crit, which was freaking pinned for long stretches in the beginning. Apparently a break got away (never saw it, although I was actually "near" the front a few times). I started to get hungry/thirsty around 60 laps remaining; started to try to find Dad.
Dad wasn't in the feed zone.
Apparently he'd gone there right after the start and didn't see anyone else, so he thought he was in the wrong place. It really wasn't a huge deal, I actually just needed to throw off a bottle and get the one out of my pocket-it's just that I only have two big bottles with me and I can't afford to lose them. Things were a bit dicey at times. The last corner was fairly fast, but also required the field to handle competently. On one of the approaches, I was about the third rider abreast to the inside, and as we were going, one of the outer riders tanked it, sending the riders ahead and inside of me into my wheel. I locked it up, sending me into a slight powerslide to the outside which was actually a good thing, as I impacted a rider who was falling to the inside and my momentum/immediate hip pop as I touched him was enough to throw him back upright. His response was a hearty and sincere, "Nicely done!"
I started to want a feed at about 35 to go, and signaled Dad. He wasn't in the best position-not really his fault-and I could only see him or him me for about 50 feet before I was on him. I had to slow down and move to the outside of the field over two laps to signal and then get ready for the feed. Got the bottle without a problem, but right after the field pinned it again, leaving me dangerously near the back and really feeling the acceleration out of every corner.
I came into the last corner and was on the inside of another rider (we'd been going through two or more abreast all night). Well, unnamed rider decided to swerve tight, come across my wheel and send me right into the curb. All I could do was hit the brakes to avoid t-boning him and pull the front upright to change my angle. Subsequently, I lost all momentum, and being so near the back, found the last 10 or so riders flying past me at full speed out of the corner (the last corner was fairly fast if you carried your speed, and the pace required a sustained 50-100 meter sprint to hold the field once on the front straight).
At that point, I didn't have enough to get back on...at least I don't feel like I did, although you always question afterwards if you really did and just didn't want too.
Either way, I don't think riding that last 10 miles was going to make a difference. I didn't feel bad, but I didn't feel great either, and no one cares whether I got 50th or didn't finish at all, at least no one that I need to care as far as my cycling career is concerned. I did feel like utter crap for about 2 hours after the race; could barely eat and thought I was going to pass out several time-totally empty.
So, now back to the new plan, which I'll call "Plan screw it". Now, don't think this is a negative plan, or I'm giving up at all, it's in fact quite the opposite. You see, I realized that what I'm doing-riding conservatively just to finish and maybe, hope upon hope, I might get a result, is neither working nor fun. I'm doing exactly what I've criticized others for doing in races, always saying that I don't understand what the point of competitive bike racing is if your content to just go out and sit in the field.
New plan: Go out and crush it. Attack, counter, sprint, try to get in breaks, ride on the front like it doesn't matter that legit pros are waiting to drop you if you over extend, or even just extend yourself. In my opinion, if I'm riding conservatively and nothing good is coming of it, and I'm even getting dropped, I might as well go out and blow it out having fun, because then, even if I get dropped, I had a hell of a good time earning it.
I like the new plan, and I think tomorrow is going to be a much better day for it.
Also, I need to remember to really thank my Dad for all his help and tell him how much it means to me that he's helping me pursue my dreams.